I have one thing to say....

So its really late...like 2:15 in the morning, and i cant sleep. Maria and i were up doing homework and jazz until around 1:30 we decided to watch the office. Well maria fell asleep so i turned it off and tried to go to sleep also....obviously it didnt really happen. As i was lying there i think i realized that i couldnt sleep for a few reasons, 1) i wasnt tired, and 2) my shorts are too tight. hahaha funny reason but its true. So yeah, i dive in a little bit and realize that i've gained a lot of weight this semester. I think a few factors are sufficient reasons, such as slight depression, no work and no social life and a lack of motivation to go to the gym.....but still, the fact is that i've gained weight. and then i started thinking, ok i want to lose like 20lbs....i can totally do that. i've done it before, so i can most definately do it again. then i started to think that for my height and age i should be around 115lbs instead of 125.....no big deal but its the truth. Then i was like, but what about all of my clothes? i couldnt fit in to any of them if i were that tiny. so i decided 125 is a good weight for my build and age....yeah this could work, i just need a sporty, muscular body; this works! then that lead me to remember of this one time i was upstairs talking to Tiffany and she was complaining that even though she was going to the gym all the time she was still gaining weight, so i told her the usual, well muscle weighs more than fat and then her roommate, who wasnt even a part of the conversation just butts in and was like, actually it doesnt. I just looked at her and was like excuse me? but in my head. then she starts to elaborate by saying that one pound of fat equals one pound of muscle. well duh. one pound of cake equals one pound of veggies, but it doesnt mean that they are the same. at the time i was just too annoyed to think clearly, but now that i've been able to actually process what she was trying to explain i finally came up with my rebutle. So yeah, a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat, but if you take an pint of muscle and compare it with a pint of fat, you'd probably find that the muscle weighs more because the muscle is more dense. she forgot to factor in the density of what she was comparing. to equal it out you'd need to add more fat to the scale. I dunno, even though she is probably right in calling me on my claim, it still was annoyingly rude the way she did it. and until someone can give me some real scientific evidence that she is right, then i'll stick with what i know. yeah that was my one thing that i wanted to say, but guess what, i have more :)
So i went to taco bell today with maria because we were hungry and we didnt have any edible food at home....hahahah well i havent eaten any fast food in forever so you can imagine how my body is handling this....lets just say i can take back my old nickname of FARTZILLA! yeah pretty nasty. thank goodness it will be over soon. But yeah, so i also went tanning today with maria, and when i was getting dressed afterwards i caught myself in the mirror and noticed how chunky i was getting; lower and upper halves of me. i was kind of grossed out because i dont think i've been this big sinse graduation, or maybe even way before that....like sophmore spring break when i ate all those donuts and TCBY and pizza....that was fun though. but yeah, anyways, so i've gained major poundage and i am way too scared to weigh myself, i'm just guessing, but i still dont like it. But yeah, the point of my story, I am making a goal to be 20lbs lighter by the beginning of summer and to be nicely toned by the time fall semester starts and to keep it that way. no more flubber-o-lu for me! now the thing is to actually get out there. hahaha.
so i found out last saturday that i have to work wednesday night.....ohhhhh how dare they. hahah i wouldnt have minded if we served at a regular meal time, but guess what...we dont serve until seven......it takes people like 45 minutes to eat and then some to socialize.....we're in a completely different building, i dont think i'll be home until like 9. I HAVE TO MISS LOST! :( I never miss.....boooooo. and we never work on wednesdays! hahah so i was thinking how bizarre it really was that the day that lost comes back from its week break, just when it is getting really really interesting, i have to miss it and wait until thursday morning to watch it. man its going to be a killer! i'll be like one of the last fans in the world to see it!!! :( i hate that thought. blah! whatev.
on a lighter note, there's really only like two weeks left of school! we just have to finish out this week, then two weeks and then that last week is just finals! :) i'm so happy. i mean, being in school since july kind of sucks. i dont really want to do that again, even though i'm kind of planning on it by getting on fast track. haha man.
K! so here is a new dilhema. yeah i dont know how to spell it....its ok though. anyways, so i've been watching ANTM lately and have noticed that even though its an awesome show, i dont know anything about the modeling world. so I started to think about it some more and attempt some research. I dont really care for the fashion part or the models who advertize for them, I just wanted to know more about the photographers. That got me really excited! Up until now, my favorite photographer was Ansel Adams. I mean he is still way awesome and inspirational and everything, but now i've discovered Jean-Michel Berts and am AMAZED! his artwork is so fantastic! I mean, his lines, his contrast, his depth, his message, just the beauty of it all! I think i was looking for the photographer Gilles Bensimon, but instead I was taken to Berts and I found his cities work, the Lumiere collection on Lauraguzzo.com, and oh my gosh, i've spent the last like three days just oogling over his pictures! Its funny, because i was looking for Bensimon, but found Berts and it made such a huge impact on me....I wonder if i should take that as a sign? It so makes me want to pick up a camera again and get to a dark room! haha yeah, i got so excited i made sure to put a new (workable) camera at the top of my next big purchases list (which include a motorcycle, a new stereo system for my car and a new sophisticated wardrobe). but yeah, so even though the sensable thing would be to use photography as a hobby, i think it would be brilliant to do it as a career! I can hear mom now; "You have to be a genius to be a photographer for a living! You wont have any money! Kelsey, you arent even that good at photography!"........but you know, if i listen to that, where will i get in life? I will turn out as an unsuccessful nobody. I wont get anywhere! I'm sorry to say it, but i'll be living like her, living off of someone else. And to be honest, I couldnt do that. So now it comes down to studying History, or studying Art/Photography. hahah I could always be a photographer for national geographic or something.
But yeah, its like 3:00 in the morning now, and i'm still not even tired, but i know i should try, so i'll be off now. T T F N!